When Mercury retrogrades, the zodiac signs respond like reality show contestants losing Wi-Fi in the middle of a meltdown. Expect technology tantrums, accidental ex-texting, and more drama than a season finale.
Aries – The Broken Phone & Regret Playlist Starter Pack
Impulsively texts the ex, then throws the phone across the room. Spends the next hour rage-running while listening to Linkin Park.
Taurus – The Offline Mode & Fridge Raid Kit
Refuses to deal with tech issues. Retreats into snacks, warm blankets, and denial. Possibly writes a strongly worded letter to Mercury.
Gemini – The Double-Booked, Over-Talked Survival Set
Schedules five Zoom calls at once, none of which connect. Talks to themselves instead. Conspiracy theories are definitely involved.
Cancer – The Sentimental Spiral Essentials
Finds childhood photos, cries for three hours, then posts cryptic Instagram captions. Deletes them five minutes later.
Leo – The Miscommunication Megaphone Kit
Says something dramatic. Gets misinterpreted. Spends the rest of the day wondering if they’re the villain or just misunderstood. Spoiler: both.
Virgo – The Spreadsheet of Doom Emergency Pack
Everything’s out of order. Emails disappear. Planners lie. Panic sets in. Ends up color-coding emotional breakdowns.
Libra – The “Should I Text?” Decision-Making Board Game
Can’t choose between texting the ex, ghosting new love, or restarting therapy. Consults horoscopes and friend group polls before doing nothing.
Scorpio – The Trust Issues Toolkit
Finds a glitch. Suspects sabotage. Investigates everyone’s Instagram likes from 2014. Deletes half the contacts. Re-adds them later.
Sagittarius – The Delayed Flight & Existential Rant Bag
Gets lost, finds meaning, then loses it again in a missed flight. Yells “it’s a sign!” to no one in particular and takes a detour to a museum.
Capricorn – The Overwork & System Crash Capsule
Attempts to “power through it.” Laptop dies. Spreadsheet vanishes. So does their soul, briefly.
Aquarius – The Glitch in the Matrix Starter Pack
Wakes up thinking it's Tuesday, it’s Friday. Invents a Mercury-proof system that crashes immediately. Laughs at the chaos. Or causes it.
Pisces – The Dream Journal & Cry-At-Ads Combo
Feels everything. Gets lost in daydreams. Forgets appointments but remembers every line from La La Land. Might start a retrograde-themed art piece.
Aries – The Broken Phone & Regret Playlist Starter Pack
Impulsively texts the ex, then throws the phone across the room. Spends the next hour rage-running while listening to Linkin Park.
Taurus – The Offline Mode & Fridge Raid Kit
Refuses to deal with tech issues. Retreats into snacks, warm blankets, and denial. Possibly writes a strongly worded letter to Mercury.
Gemini – The Double-Booked, Over-Talked Survival Set
Schedules five Zoom calls at once, none of which connect. Talks to themselves instead. Conspiracy theories are definitely involved.
Cancer – The Sentimental Spiral Essentials
Finds childhood photos, cries for three hours, then posts cryptic Instagram captions. Deletes them five minutes later.
Leo – The Miscommunication Megaphone Kit
Says something dramatic. Gets misinterpreted. Spends the rest of the day wondering if they’re the villain or just misunderstood. Spoiler: both.
Virgo – The Spreadsheet of Doom Emergency Pack
Everything’s out of order. Emails disappear. Planners lie. Panic sets in. Ends up color-coding emotional breakdowns.
Libra – The “Should I Text?” Decision-Making Board Game
Can’t choose between texting the ex, ghosting new love, or restarting therapy. Consults horoscopes and friend group polls before doing nothing.
Scorpio – The Trust Issues Toolkit
Finds a glitch. Suspects sabotage. Investigates everyone’s Instagram likes from 2014. Deletes half the contacts. Re-adds them later.
Sagittarius – The Delayed Flight & Existential Rant Bag
Gets lost, finds meaning, then loses it again in a missed flight. Yells “it’s a sign!” to no one in particular and takes a detour to a museum.
Capricorn – The Overwork & System Crash Capsule
Attempts to “power through it.” Laptop dies. Spreadsheet vanishes. So does their soul, briefly.
Aquarius – The Glitch in the Matrix Starter Pack
Wakes up thinking it's Tuesday, it’s Friday. Invents a Mercury-proof system that crashes immediately. Laughs at the chaos. Or causes it.
Pisces – The Dream Journal & Cry-At-Ads Combo
Feels everything. Gets lost in daydreams. Forgets appointments but remembers every line from La La Land. Might start a retrograde-themed art piece.
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